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The Night I Burned...

This blog is a very personal one and its intent is to help others in their journey of healing. It's about letting go.

On a Sunday night in June 2022, I decided it was time to get rid of my old wedding dress. I am divorced and it's been years. It's been sitting in my closet and I felt it was time and I was ready to let it go. I held on to it thinking I could make ring bearer pillows for my kids out of it but then I decided against it. I snipped the satin buttons off the back and the big fat bow that was just above my booty in this dress. I also took the skirt under it out so if my daughters wanted to use it to look like they were back in the 80s they could use it. I remember the day I found the dress with my mom. I remember the alterations. I remember wearing it and feeling beautiful. I remember the promises that were made and those broken years later. All the memories came back to me.

Letting go is sometimes hard. Have you ever heard of people writing down things that they are trying to let go and then burning them? Like on a piece of paper? A physical act of letting go? Well I had a cross stitch piece that was a gift for my wedding with my name and my ex's name on it. I kept the frame because those things are expensive and it has no sentimental value. I'll repurpose that thang. I took the cross stitch with the famous Ruth verse about where you will go I will go... I took the wedding dress and the cross stitch and went to the burn pile. We call it the fire pit but it's not fancy and it's a burn pile. If you live in the country you know what I'm talking about. Granted I was feeling happy and ok at this point. I had some chicken feed bags the paper ones and a box and started the fire. I'm pretty good at starting fires but that is a story for another day. Once it got going I put the cross stitch piece in and then the dress. I stood back and then the tears came. It was like a funeral. Like the coffin going down in the ground. The finality of it. Now don't get me wrong I am happy with my divorce and grateful for my life. But that was 17 years of my life. And it was another part of healing for me. Another piece that needed to be released and let go. So I gave it the reverence it deserved and allowed myself to cry to feel it all.

I have learned a few things about healing. They have to be done on purpose. I have learned a few things about grieving also. Sometimes you think you are doing well and you have let go and healed that part, but then you find there's a little more work to be done. Does it mean that I am still wanting to be back with my ex. Hell No! (sorry Mom) Does it mean that I am miserable? Nope, nope, nope. It just means that it was a huge part of my life. That somethings take time to heal and somethings you have to let go that you didn't even know were still around. But for me I have to make peace with that part of my life so I can enjoy this new one. I accept the good and the bad because it was my life.

I wrote this because I know there are women and men that are healing after divorce. They take the approach of pretending that they are great and moving on to the next relationship and don't do the work. Let me tell you that it will come back to haunt you if you don't put in the work. It's ok to be sad sometimes. It's ok to grieve the loss of a marriage you had for years. Even if it wasn't a great one. It means it was real to you. It's ok to not be ok sometimes. When this happens pay attention and be self aware of what needs your attention and healing. Just as you would a physical wound. Do you need stitches? Do you need ointment? Do you need to cry and talk about it? Do you need to journal it till you have it all out of your head? Do you need to go see a counselor or therapist? Maybe a life coach? Do you need to burn it? Pay attention so you know what you need to help yourself heal. Sometimes you might just need to grieve the loss that day or moment. It's just part of the journey. It's normal. IT WILL BE OK. You are not alone.

Love, Sue

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